LO, it's been 10 long years since this album first hit music stores and invaded airwaves worldwide. an entire decade and still, even to this day, my ears feel raped by it. every once in a while, i'll have the extreme misfortune of hearing one of these songs on the radio, in television and movies, at trendy night clubs, and even on dive-bar juke boxes--and everytime i do, i die a little more inside. in the past decade, u2 have released 2 more albums of pure unadulterated shit, so it's easy to forget just how truly god-awful this album really was when it first came out. so, in honor of its 10 year anniversary, i felt it pertinent, nay crucial, that i remind everyone exactley how much this album sucked and continues to suck, lest we forget. what follows is nothing short of Divine Revelation; my small gift to mankind. now, without further ado...
10 things to do with U2's album All That You Can't Leave Behind
(that're better than actually listening to it)
(that're better than actually listening to it)
1. use it as a drink coaster
2. use the CD underside as a vanity mirror
3. frisbee anyone?
4. dashboard ornament
5. burn it--and no, i don't mean stick it in your disc drive so you can make a copy and give it to your boyfriend or girlfriend and tell em how this album like totally changed your, like, life. i mean literally commit this fuckin thing to flames.
6. eat it. yeah, not exactley nutritious or even remotely edible. in all likelihood, it'll chip your teeth, cut your gums, and make you sick to your stomach, that is, if you even manage to get it to your stomach without choking on the thing first. still, it beats having to listen to beautiful day one more time.
7. got a lopsided dining room table or chair? jam this thing under there. problem solved.
8. paper weight. (and yes, i am running out of ideas...)
9. an xmas present for your mortal enemy. and if someone actually gave this to you as a xmas present, i'd think long and hard about whether that someone really is your friend at all.
10. break the CD into jagged little pieces and use them to slit your wrists.
believe me, people, this is one thing you most definately CAN (and should) leave behind.
for those of you who have the digital version of the album, these alternatives are of no use to you. but don't despair, there is one other option: DELETE.